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John R Murtagh With a Smile a keepsake from Memoir for Me memoirforme com

Dedicated to John Robert Murtagh husband Daddy Dad Butch a man who is funny smart strong leader thinker learner teacher goof ball passionate stubborn nice intelligent caring whimsical wonderful family man smart alec steady provider playmate teacher silly loving role model trailblazer caring funny civic minded storyteller family oriented loving inspiring exceptional informed gregarious smart friendly kind supportive social dedicated hero and most of all loved more than you can ever know This is YOUR story

Heirlooms we don t have in our family But stories we ve got Rose Cherin

John in front of his childhood home in 1995 John Robert Murtagh was born in New York City on January 26 1944 He was named after his grandfather who was born in 1878 Since then there have been five generations of John Murtaghs born into the family It s grown into a tradition the naming the first born son after my grandfather But more recently John has been known as Butch This name came about when his first grandson Jack another John Murtagh was born in 2001 At one time in my life I was a butcher that s where everyone thinks Butch came from But when my first grandson was born my wife turned to me and said The baby is going to call me Nannie I said You don t get to decide it s up to the baby to choose But Marge insisted on Nannie I asked Does that mean I can pick any name that I want Marge agreed Because I want to be Butch Marge protested but the name stuck 5

John grew up in a brownstone at 606 61st Street in Bay Ridge a neighborhood of Brooklyn The house which still stands today is about a mile from New York Bay John recalls Bay Ridge as an interesting place to grow up with a large Irish Catholic population but also some Italian Norwegian and Swedish families His block like many city blocks had about 100 families living on it Our whole life was on that block We had a tremendous amount of freedom and independence After school we would go out and my mom would lock the doors and we would play on the street for the next 3 hours But with freedom came the watchful eyes of neighbors Everybody knew everybody s business If we did something wrong at the bottom of the street my mother still knew immediately My mother was a pretty big slapper This was before beating kids was illegal John s mother Ann Gertrude Conroy Murtagh was the caretaker of not only her own family of nine but also many others in the area My mother took care of EVERYBODY She fed neighborhood kids and took little old ladies to the bank She was constantly doing things for people She had a strong Catholic faith and her mother was a nurse That caretaker gene was passed down John s father John James Murtagh worked downtown as an accountant Ann drove him back and forth from Manhattan each day in their 1938 black Plymouth My father was the worst driver It was God s will that he stopped driving My mom could not find her way she was always lost The cars we had always broke down 6 John James and Ann C Murtagh 1935 John with his sisters Ancee and Joan 1944

The triplets in 1966 note bars on window Lala and Dad John s paternal grandparents Ann also drove John Sr to physical therapy at the local hospital where he was stretched out to relieve severe arthritis Despite his ailments Dad was still boss and made up for his lack of mobility When we acted up at dinnertime he would tell us to knock it off Naturally we didn t and a spoon would hit you in the head Family life in the Murtagh home was busy and hectic with 9 kids Ann Ancee b 1932 Julia who died at 4 months from a heart condition b 1937 Joan b 1938 John Butch b 1944 Patricia Patty b 1945 then came the triplets Rob Joe and Doug b 1948 and finally Jim b 1952 John s grandmothers also lived with the family his paternal grandmother Charlotte Ann Lala and his maternal grandmother Ann G Nana Lala who was blind was John s favorite She was the sweetest woman in the world My sister Patty and I would spend most of our time upstairs with her Patty played with dolls and I would sit and talk with Lala or listen to her talk with her friends about politics and economics I was fascinated I did most of my growing up with her The triplets brought an interesting dynamic to the Murtagh family They were mad men they were nuts It was so bad in the house with my brothers that we had to put bars on the windows They used to throw their shoes out the window They pulled plaster off the walls John s mother had her hands full with the triplets plus aging parents My sister Patty and I were farmed off to other relatives We had no choice but to be close We had these older siblings and then we had the triplets and Jimmy It was like having two families Patty was my guardian she looked out for me 7

John and Patty hung out so much that they earned their own nickname The Slick Chick and Snappy Chappy John s Aunt Evie his mother s twin came up with the moniker The Slick Chick and Snappy Chappy were known all over the neighborhood Every evening the whole Murtagh family otherwise known as The Dozen gathered for dinner together John recalls that although money was tight the family stayed well fed There were pot roast and roast beef dinners lamb on Sundays and huge turkeys for Thanksgiving We all had responsibilities setting the table doing the dishes My mother fed everybody very well She was not a very good cook but she was a utilitarian cook Ann had one night off from cooking each week My father s duty was to cook dinner on Saturday nights Which was a bad day because Saturday was also his day to be out with the boys down at the bar He would come home at 6 30 and he would start cooking the hamburgers because that s the only thing he could cook And then he would burn them all and my mother would go nuts over it And yet every week after that it would be the same thing That s just how the two of them worked John attended Our Lady of Perpetual Help Elementary School which was about two blocks from his house The parish s church was the largest in Brooklyn I did well in school but didn t work at home much The nuns said I was smart but lazy Patty was the smart one 8 The Slick Chick and Snappy Chappy 1958 All the Murtagh children Joan holding Jim John Patty Ancee Doug Rob Joe 1952

Joe Lies and his son 1975 Patty and John with a prom date 1961 Around this time John met someone who would become one of the most significant people in his life Joe Lies the owner of a local butcher shop When John was about 10 years old he went into Lies Meat Market and asked for a job John was politely turned away because he was too young But Joe remembered John and two years later Joe asked him if he still wanted a job as a delivery boy John happily accepted and delivered meat by bike all over Brooklyn In time Joe promoted John to work in the refrigerators and then tend the counter John worked at the shop on and off for 12 years Joe taught me everything about meat and how you operate a business He was my mentor part father part brother He was everything to me He was more a father to me than anybody else As he grew older John remained in the Catholic schools for better and for worse He went to Rice High School in Harlem despite testing into Brooklyn Technical a much better school His mother would not hear of him going anywhere but to a Catholic high school Rice was a really crummy school not a good experience The Irish Christian Brothers liked to beat kids and I was one of them 9

Joe Lies continued to keep a careful eye out for young John That period when I was a teenager was very difficult Joe would go to the Brothers at the school and tell them I was needed at the store The Brothers said to him What s the big deal with this guy because we don t think he s worth much of anything And he said Well you don t really know him He is the greatest man I have ever known Though certainly smart enough for it John did not attend college With such a large family his parents could not afford the tuition So in 1962 John joined the Army I wanted to be a handyman but they said I didn t qualify I was too smart Instead I became a cryptanalyst a code breaker I had no idea what it was The Army sent John to Fort Deven in Massachusetts for training He was 18 years old and away from home for the first time Russia was attacking us at the Bay of Pigs Kennedy was talking about going to war I didn t know a soul and I felt like crying where s my mommy In 1963 John deployed to Korea and served overseas for two years The country had been totally destroyed by the war Every tree in that country was ripped out The Koreans were the greatest hardest working people and I loved the guys in the Army I was now bonded with men Don Scott was my best friend over there In 1965 John was discharged and found a job with the help of his father at General Motors GM He started as a mailroom clerk and soon became frustrated with the monotony of his duties 10 John in 1962 John with service buddies 1960s

From L R Joe Mutagh Michael Patty s son Mike Price Patty s husband Rob Murtagh Kimberly Patty s daughter and John Murtagh in 1968 I came out of the service thinking I was very bright and got a job as a mail boy I realized I had some brains and asked my bosses when was I going to get moved out of the mailroom It was only supposed to be a few months I waited for two years While he toiled away in the mailroom tragedy struck in 1967 when John s sister Patty died of brain cancer It was very traumatic She was the most fabulous person in my life There wasn t anybody in Brooklyn who didn t know my sister Good fortune stepped in as John s patience at GM finally paid off landing a good job as a warehousing clerk He was assigned a secretary named Marge Cotter John and Marge worked well together and became friendly outside the office They hung in the same bars with the same group of people and soon began dating I was not strong about asking girls out We found ourselves out by ourselves more and more Then one night in 1969 we were driving on the Verrazano Bridge in Brooklyn It was so pretty I pulled over I leaned over and I taught her how to make out She was really not that skilled But it wasn t always smooth sailing for John and Marge 11

I was about 24 years old and I had made up my mind I had to get married And all of a sudden I realize that Marge might be the person So immediately what did I do He broke things off with Marge I said it looks like we re going to get married I m out of this The break was extremely tough on Marge but she didn t let it show She acted like all was fine during work hours only to cry her way home Thankfully a friend of John s intervened My best friend Jimmy Dillon asked me What s going on with you and Marge I told him we had broken up He asks Well do you love her I said As love goes for me yeah I do He said Then maybe you should talk to her Maybe you want to even consider getting married Think about it John realized he had made a horrible mistake and shortly after he asked Marge to marry him I said let s just do it No one knee She probably thought we had better to do this fast before he changes his mind again John and Marge were married on July 31 1971 at Incarnation Catholic Church in Queens They had a big reception at Anton s in Queens Village with several hundred guests and a band who played well into the night It was a fabulous wedding My mother and Marge s father paid the band to stay three extra hours because everyone was dancing so much We danced all night long Back row Doug John Marge Rob Front row Mike and Kimberly Price Dave and Joan Laverty Ann Murtagh Michael Price Joe Murtagh

Honeymooning in Bermuda 1971 John Marge and baby Patricia 1973 John and Marge honeymooned in Bermuda then started their married life in Weehawken New Jersey a small town on the Hudson River They welcomed a baby daughter Patricia Anne on May 3 1972 Marge got pregnant right away We barely got out of Bermuda The couple plunged right into parenthood whether they were ready for it or not We had just bought a new car a month before the wedding this expensive Thunderbird The new car was a sporty 2 door not exactly child friendly The car became a problem Housing was cramped as well John and Marge lived in a small studio apartment and slept on a pull out couch Patricia slept in the same room in a crib behind a wooden screen Sacrifices were made across the board Marge had a good job at GM but we decided she would stay home to raise the kids We didn t have much money but all of our kids were raised by their mother I always believed that s the best thing we ever did On May 16 1974 John and Marge welcomed a second daughter Karen Rita More blessings followed in 1975 with a promotion from GM and a move to St Clair Shores a suburb of Detroit Michigan John received an 18 percent raise easing financial worries for the family They were able to buy a house at 23530 Talbot Street and would remain there for 25 years That did not mean we spent a lot of money because I was still married to Marge Murtagh If it were up to me and the 3 kids we would ve spent a lot more money 13

The Murtaghs didn t know anyone in the Midwest but fortunately they had others in the same boat A whole east coast group from GM relocated to Michigan with them There were 100 of us all New Yorkers Our whole social life was built around that New York group Our kids knew all of their children On July 1 1976 Marge gave birth to the couple s third child John James named after his grandfather who completed the family Around this time John s career took off and he received several promotions including a position to improve GM s systems and processes as a market analyst Times were good for the Murtaghs The children attended school in the Lake Shore district where John later served on the school board The kids came along when John was campaigning for school board votes and the family was involved in many school activities including band Patricia track Karen and basketball John among many others John Sr was supportive but knew when to give them space I was very active with the school but I didn t want to interfere with what they were doing However he and Marge weren t hands off when it came to teaching the important lessons in life We told the kids when they were little not to worry about money that education was most important John wanted to give his kids what he didn t get a college education The New Yorkers in Michigan late 1970s

John Patricia and Karen 1980 But we also taught them they had to work Money for life had to come from their own pockets John also taught his children the importance of honesty and what happens when you break someone s trust using a metaphor called the Trust Bucket I told the kids I give you trust in a bucket you can add to it or you can reduce it If you re bad it goes down and if it goes all the way to the bottom you re done It was an effective way of teaching discipline It started full but once trust was lost it was slow to refill John knew it was an important lesson to learn Trust and honesty are two values I have believed in all along I cannot bear people that I can t trust I was taught that by my grandmother Lala I ve always had that not that I always have been perfect at it John and Marge also impressed the importance of faith Every Sunday the family attended church and then spent the day together But finding the right parish wasn t easy The Murtaghs attended St Margaret s parish through the high school years but then changed churches several times to find a place everyone liked They spent many years attending Old St Mary s in Detroit s Greektown 15

Prior to having kids John had not attended church since age 15 Marge said if the kids are going to church we are all going John became very involved at St Margaret s and even served as president of the parish men s club Though organized religion was a part of their life following blindly was not John taught the kids independent thinking even if not the popular or easy path In addition to teaching important life lessons John also found times to make his kids laugh Dinnertime with Dad was never dull I told the kids I d put anything on a taco On a dare the kids then watched their father enjoy a taco with peanut butter And it didn t end there When the kids were young they wouldn t eat beets So I told them The problem is you gotta put mustard on them The kids took his word to heart and agreed that beets with mustard was the only way to eat them Patricia still to this date puts mustard on her beets Whether eating peanut butter tacos or beets with mustard John always made life fun Other uniquely Murtagh traditions came out on birthdays which included the requisite presents cake and candles but also a talent show Each family member had to perform a number for the birthday boy or girl A show was put on and the song I ve Been Working on the Railroad always had to be a part of it and the letter Everyone had to go down on the ground and write the person s name with their bodies This atypical tradition has stood the test of time Patricia Lloyd and Karen now carry this tradition on with their families 16 With daughter Patricia 1990 With daughter Karen 1996

Teaching son John the fine art of ties 1994 Summer trip with the Dwyers and Reillys 1981 Age was not a part of this thing They had to do this the rest of their lives With their caring but not too serious approach to parenting John and Marge did something extraordinarily right with their kids You wouldn t believe the number of people who say to us what a wonderful family you have We re known for being friendly enjoying each other s company getting along with the neighbors and being involved in the community Like most successful marriages Marge and John balance each other and have complimentary parenting styles Marge always painted within the lines but I was more outside Despite a busy life at work and home the family always made time for vacations In all John and Marge visited 45 states with their children mostly via long roadtrips The kids were stuck in the back of the car for weeks Favorite destinations included lake house getaways with the Reillys and the Dwyers to Saugatuck Michigan or Door County Wisconsin and also longer drives to Florida Canada Arizona and back home to New York By the 1990s John was traveling a lot for work working as General Motor s Director of Analysis He traveled over a million miles for GM I went to about 40 different countries The kids hardly ever saw me We were making money and Marge wouldn t let me stay home It was getting to college time Looking back John marvels at his career path from humble meat delivery and mail boy roles to eventually the Director level of a major automobile manufacturer 17

Everyone who reported to me had an MBA and I was in charge I couldn t even use a calculator So much of what he learned and used about running a business came from that time long ago at the Lies Butcher Shop The only way I got ahead was being a risk taker That s the only way I could get ahead John stayed with GM for 35 years finally retiring in 2000 GM was becoming a mess That was the end of my career And as one door closed another opened In the fall of 2001 Butch and Marge left Michigan for Oak Park Illinois less than 10 miles from Chicago A few days later their first grandson Jack was born More grandchildren followed Joe 2003 Kendall 2005 Maggie 2007 Liam 2008 and Rita 2015 Surrounded by the next generation John became Butch And though now retired Butch was busier than ever My life turned to the grandkids They have been a fabulous part of my life and is the thing that keeps me going My responsibilities as a father continue now as a grandfather In 2006 Butch and Marge moved into the first floor of a two flat with daughter Patricia and her family on the second floor Even Father Wall from Old St Patrick s Church said I don t think that s a good idea But Father Wall was proven wrong The house runs like clockwork with Patricia in the appointed role of house manager Daughter Karen is close by living in Chicago s Loop and often can be found at the house in Oak Park with baby Rita in tow Son John and his family live in Longmont Colorado but make many trips back to the Midwest to visit 18 Jack Joe Kendall Maggie and Liam on Butch With Rita 2016

Leading a penguin talk at the Shedd 2004 Santa spreading joy in 2011 In addition to spending time with his kids and grandkids Butch is an active volunteer around Chicago He has worked as a docent at the Shedd Aquarium and Old St Patrick s Church and has made a name for himself for his guided tours At the Shedd he became well known for his penguin talks but also used his business acumen to urge execs to think big picture Pushing the boundaries of his role as docent Butch looked at how these organizations were running as a business I wasn t just playing with penguins He has also volunteered his advice to the Irish American Heritage Center on Chicago s northwest side and still finds time to volunteer many weekends at Su Casa a local soup kitchen supporting displaced Hispanic women and children One of his favorite volunteer roles is that of Santa Claus But Butch s first time in the jolly red suit didn t go quite as planned I was the funniest Santa you ever saw They just put me up on a stage at a park I sat in the cold and nobody came by But then a woman walked through the park with her dog and asked for a photo Other dog walkers noticed and followed suit I spent the whole night with dogs sitting on my lap But thankfully Butch wasn t discouraged by this first experience and has since played Santa for decades bringing holiday spirit to those who need it most He has spread Christmas joy to the cancer wards of Lurie Children s Hospital to the women and children at Su Casa to the kids of Cabrini Green and to the many families of Old St Patrick s Church 19

After a life filled with professional success a happy marriage successful children loads of grandchildren and a lot of giving back to others Butch can say he holds no regrets I used to say that I wish I had gotten a college education but then I wouldn t be what I am now I grew because I didn t get an education I m a product of my experience from my time with Joe Lies and life with my family It s taken me years to finally understand that Now in 2016 Butch is 72 years old and still has many more plans in store including more travel and opportunities to spend time with Marge and his family Yet he faces one serious challenge Alzheimer s disease coupled with at times paralyzing anxiety I don t know where this is going to go I want to be productive but I m losing skills along the way so it gets harder to do that Butch handles his challenges with grace and always with a smile I smile in the worst of times When I pass somebody in the street a complete stranger I not only say hello I smile Smiling has always been a part of my life and carries me With a smile on his face Butch looks back on his life with the gift of perspective I always thought that everything good that had happened to me was because of luck But I realized later that luck had nothing to do with it There was nothing accidental or coincidental about Butch Murtagh s success and happiness He earned every bit of it 20 Jack Kendall Rita Maggie Joe Liam in front With John and Ann Brackett 2004

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Birthday traditions through the years