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Growing Up Nolan

Brother and sister together as friends ready to face whatever life sends Robert Brault

Kathleen 1940 Kathleen McMahon b 1940 Kathleen Ann Nolan was born September 25 1940 the first child to Catherine Theresa n e Mahoney and Thomas Joseph Nolan Her brother Thomas joined them four and a half years later filling the two flat at 7939 S Sangamon Street that they shared with their maternal grandfather Michael J Mahoney They lived in St Leo parish where the children both went to grammar school There was never a problem of what to do We were a neighborhood We talked to each other walked to school or work together played with each other and cared about each other We didn t know it was simple We just knew it was good Grandpa Mike was a motorman for the CTA which at that time was staffed by many Irish immigrants like him Grandpa drove the streetcars when they used to have trolley cars He was the driver and he worked with Pat Nagle who was the conductor who took the fares Grandpa would have his friends from work over to the house so we got to meet all his old country friends with their thick brogues Though it was a full house living together was easy Living with Grandpa was wonderful it was never burdensome We got to know what he liked for breakfast and we d fix it for him He went about his business and we went about ours 3

Catherine stayed home with the kids while Thomas went off to work at Commonwealth Edison I know what people thought of my father more than I know about his job He never made any waves and was very evenkeeled He was the one everybody liked Thomas died young so Kathleen s memories of him are few but vivid I was very close to him I remember him dancing with my mother in the kitchen I was sitting there watching them I saw that special moment between them and it became special to me too Thomas was in and out of the hospital with bleeding ulcers and heart trouble when the children were small until one time he didn t come home Kathleen was home sick with rheumatic fever My mom came in and something was different about her Her nails were polished and her hair was done I knew something was up I asked Where s Daddy She told me he was sleeping She eventually told me he had died and I remember sobbing Our world changed when that happened Kathleen was eight her brother Tom was only four The children briefly attended the wake but were whisked away and stayed with neighbors the Staneys In those days you hid things and that s the way you handled them Our grieving was never really addressed My Aunt Mary helped I remember crying into her fur coat She would come over on Saturdays to take us to the show and then out for a hamburger at Top Notch My mother was a worrier and was vocal about them I was sensitive and internalized a lot of that worry Catherine eventually found work as a school clerk at a school in Englewood Grandpa Mike who had just retired went back to work at St Leo Church as a janitor 4 Left Kathleen with her father 1941 Right Kathleen with her brother father and Nana Gunn 1948

Iron MIke Mahoney with Catherine Nolan 1950 They did what they had to do to make ends meet Our Catholic school tuition must ve been quite a hardship Though Kathleen and Tom grew up most of their childhood without a father Grandpa Mike was a wonderful substitute He was a great male figure in our lives a very strong man He had the nickname Iron Mike and could touch his toes without bending his knees even late in life I remember once he came in the house moaning pulled up his shirt in the back and he was bleeding The doctor came to the house and told us Grandpa had fractured his ribs He had been painting the back porch and fell off the ladder over the railing down to the ground and never said anything Mike never smoked and rarely drank aside from his nightly shot of whiskey taken right before bed That was his own prescription Mike owned the two bedroom flat they lived in The children each had a bedroom Grandpa had another and their mother would sleep on a fold up cot in the dining room So sweet It s just what she did At the time we didn t know our home was small But I actually miss that there was a coziness about it The upstairs of the two flat was rented out to Nelly and Kitty O Connor two older women with no children 5

Left Maternal grandparents Michael and Kate Phillips Mahoney Right Mother and father Catherine and Thomas 1930s I would see them once in a while It was special to go upstairs to their place While their apartment was exactly like ours it was perfection Ours was a work in progress always Holidays were a special time though some years were lean The first few Christmases after my father died were pretty meager The first year a very good friend of my father Bill Heraty brought some gifts over I was in the dining room and pretended like I didn t see my mother open the front closet door and put the shopping bag of gifts in there Bill was a good man and a loyal friend Some Sundays he d come to take us to the cemetery in his car which was a real treat for us since we didn t have a car My father s side of the family wanted my mother to get involved with him because he was always single but she didn t go for that Christmas day was spent with Kathleen s father s family including his mother Nana Catherine Nolan Gunn she had remarried and sisters Aunt Louise Benjamin Dudrick and Aunt Rose Joe Ryan with sons Donald and Jimmy They all lived together in a three flat on Garfield Boulevard in Visitation Parish Nana and Aunt Rose lived on the first floor and Aunt Louise and Uncle Ben lived on the third floor Everything was planned around church and they would provide the big dinner It was all relatively simple 6 As a young girl Kathleen remembers a few sleepovers with these relatives

My Aunt Louise didn t have any children so she would sometimes keep me overnight She d get me dressed up and curl my hair and polish my nails and take me with her to work to show me off I was very compliant but I was not comfortable At night they had venetian blinds and had a lot of traffic going down Garfield Boulevard creating all these shadows that made me very uneasy I remember them giving me Pepto Bismol to try to make me feel better but I was just homesick Kathleen saw her mother s family more regularly including her older sister Aunt Mary John Mahoney with son Bill and daughter Mary Ellen and her mother s twin sister Aunt Annie Ted Clifford with son Phil and daughters Patsy and Anne Marie Kathleen would play with cousins Mary Ellen Mahoney and Patsy Clifford who often came to the two flat to visit Grandpa Kathleen had many neighborhood friends including next door neighbor Madeline Burrows and Marilyn Lucy Kathleen also played with her younger brother I was his caregiver but we were also playmates Like any older sister we d scrap and punch each other The piano bench was our horse and we d play cowboys on it and sometimes he d fall off One time Kathleen s punch packed quite a wallop I hit him with something not intentionally well maybe it was I m not sure My mother had to take him to the doctor and he got stitches This doctor must ve been a horse doctor Tom came back with his head bandaged like he was in World War II and he had tears rolling down his cheek I felt so bad Tom would get his revenge Left Kathleen with cousin Don Ryan and brother Tom 1948 Right Kathleen right with friend and neighbor Madeline Burrows 1952 7

I had this favorite doll a big baby doll that my mother would keep on a top shelf so it would last longer She took it down and I was playing with it and my brother somehow took the head off I was so upset and he wasn t remorseful at all That s what really ticked me off To this day I tell him I ll never forgive you for taking my baby doll s head off But aside from these isolated incidences the two grew up close During their walk to school Kathleen was like a mother hen making sure Tom and his buddies from across the alley Skippy Dunworth and Jimmy Brankin arrived to school safely She also made sure the movies Tom watched were appropriate When he got older and would go to the movies with friends I d look up the show in the Catholic Legion of Decency to see if he could go or not They rated the movies to see whether they were acceptable or not If it was condemned you might go to hell for watching it My mother let me be the bad guy The neighbor next door would say I had an old head on young shoulders Both Tom and Kathleen grew up grounded in their Catholic faith We went to Catholic schools at great sacrifice and attended Sunday mass at St Leo My grandfather would get dressed up in a suit every Sunday In those days you paid for your seat so he d bring in a nickel and give it to the ushers at the door At school Kathleen was a good student I was good I wouldn t say I was brilliant but I worked hard and got good grades In first grade I was the teacher s pet Sr Marie Jerome would pick me for everything Usually with that many kids you were not singled out Kathleen seated second from left at St Leo Grammar School 1947

Left Kathleen 1956 Right High school graduate with Grandpa and Mom 1958 Kathleen remembers St Leo as a strict environment ruled by the Catholic nuns who expected everyone to do as they were told I was in a class of 65 students in first grade The nun would give you work to do and she d say I ll be back From what I heard they would go to the drug store They came back and we never raised our eyes the entire time We never questioned them because they couldn t do anything wrong Even outside of the Catholic discipline Kathleen was a rule follower I was pretty self directed and grew up a little faster than my peers Not because I was ready but because I had to Kathleen graduated from Leo Grammar School in 1954 and went on to Mercy High School for Girls where she took a bus eastbound to 81st and Prairie During high school she held jobs working at the rectory of Leo s and also worked brief stints at a local bakery and at a Fannie May chocolate shop I m glad that was short lived That was way too tempting Weekends were spent with friends such as Charlene Lockwood going to the area dances at Leo High School or St Sabina s for 50 cents As they got older they went to hear the big bands play at the Holiday Ballroom at 79th and Halsted walking there and back and dancing all night in high heels We had young feet Now I have horrible feet Kathleen never took formal dancing lessons but did learn to play the piano from the Sisters at Leo s where she took lessons in the convent and later at Mercy High School Sr Mary Syra at Mercy would bring a Hershey bar to each lesson and we d share it 9

May Crowning DePaul University 1962 During one session Kathleen told Sr Syra about some boy trouble My friend Charlene was interested in a boy from St Ignatius but he asked me to a dance instead I was troubled by it and said no Charlene was a friend and I knew it would hurt her Sr Syra agreed and told Kathleen that though she may have been flattered she did the right thing by declining the date Because of that Sr Syra thought I should become a nun Kathleen was unsure Fr Novak a priest at St Leo wisely suggested that Kathleen attend college first She graduated from Mercy in 1958 and decided to go to DePaul University after qualifying for a 500 Mayor Daley Youth Scholarship I got that through working at the rectory Monsignor Malloy helped with the paperwork The scholarship doesn t sound like much but it was a lot at the time Kathleen commuted an hour from her home on the Southside taking two buses and the el there and back each day 10 I belonged to a few clubs there but couldn t do a lot since I didn t live on campus I didn t know that I was missing anything I spent most of my free time studying I was a pretty serious student

At DePaul Kathleen studied education After years of playing school as a child she had no doubt that she wanted to become a teacher She graduated in 1962 and immediately found work as a substitute at Pasteur School She applied with CPS and was offered a full time position that fall at Altgeld Elementary but it was a hard assignment It was a very difficult situation They gave me 1C about 42 kids that didn t fit in a traditional classroom many with special needs We were in a room down in the basement with only one other classroom nearby so nobody could really help you I had a stressful time Kathleen s first year in the classroom was a rough start made worse by school administration I thought these kids were so cute and innocent but instead I had a real problem with classroom management The principal was a year from retirement and was going through a personal breakdown She d come into my room and scream at me in front of the kids on a daily basis Kathleen persevered thanks to a lot of emotional support from her Aunt Mary Home baked cookies helped to turn the tide in the classroom The next school year brought a new principal and a world of difference The new principal Dr Trayford told me after about a month Miss Nolan you re doing a great job She also discovered a helpful classroom management tip From then on I learned that I had to put my smile in my pocket until Christmas Left Kathleen 1960 Right Siblings Tom and Kathleen 1961 11

Kathleen stayed at Altgeld for three years teaching in the school s mobile units which meant smaller and more manageable classes On weekends she had fun with friends at dances and clubs One night at Halloran s Bar Kathleen met a man that changed everything My friend from DePaul John Doherty introduced me to his friend Jim McMahon I met him a few times and Jim was so quiet at first I thought my goodness he s a bit on the slow side She met Jim again at Duffy s Tavern over a game of pool where he continued to act reserved He thought that I was dating someone else Finally he asked me out and I told him He who hesitates is lost But she said yes and then turned the tables I had a friend s wedding coming up and asked him to come along So our first date was a wedding which was very prophetic Jim was a few years older a veteran from the Army and like Kathleen s grandfather worked for the CTA Kathleen with fianc Jim McMahon 1965

On their wedding day 1965 It turns out that Jim s father knew my grandfather from the CTA With the names McMahon and Mahoney I was a little worried that we were related Thankfully that was not the case and the connection made her feel at ease around Jim and his family immediately As soon as I met his parents I loved them and right away there was a comfort level It was truly meant to be Jim and Kathleen got married on August 7 1965 at St Ethelreda Church My brother gave me away at my wedding but he never actually gave me away We ve remained close our whole lives Her brother Tom had married Kathleen Buckley and quickly had a large family Kathleen Nolan McMahon was a big part in their lives including Godmother to their first born Shea Thomas They would come to visit my mother a lot My mother always said to me that Tom s children were part of me too Kathleen and Jim were having difficulties having children of their own After more than a year nothing was happening I confided to my Aunt Mary since my mother was such a worrisome type Mary was more take charge and set me up with the doctor who delivered me Dr Lawler and his team of doctors I had all kinds of tests and since I was teaching I had to return phone calls from public phones One of those phone calls delivered crushing news 13

Left Kathleen holding Maureen on her Christening day 1972 Right Maureen 1974 I called and asked for my report and that s when they told me that I couldn t have children I was at school in the phone booth devastated and had to go back to the classroom and pull myself together before the kids got back from lunch Kathleen was now teaching first grade at Pasteur Elementary Around 1968 the couple started the process of adoption through Catholic Charities but at the same time Jim was having serious health concerns He ended up having exploratory brain surgery I remember it was New Year s Eve and we were having a party and he turned to me and said his vision is blurry We discovered he had calcification of the optic nerve and lost his sight completely in the left eye By the time his health was under control we went back to Catholic Charities and they said We re not interested Still Kathleen didn t give up Her brother Tom s sister in law connected them to The Cradle After about a year of paperwork and letter writing Jim and Kathleen got a call It was January when we got the call I remember when we heard We ve got your baby here I had labor pains I had all these pains go through me The long wait was worth it Daughter Maureen was born on December 8 1971 She was born on the Blessed Mother s Feast Day Immaculate Conception so we named her Maureen little Mary Though Kathleen loved teaching she made the hard decision to stay home with Maureen 14 It was in the middle of the school year The principal had crocheted a little pink sweater and I took it into the classroom and explained that I needed to be home now that we had a new baby in our life

Even now Kathleen tears up revisiting this memory I promised that I would bring the baby in to see them I can still see their little faces they all started to cry and I was crying too These kids were like my kids It was really hard She was true to her word and brought Maureen to school one day One of her first words was Hiiiiiiiii so she would go through the building saying hi to everyone It was grand I couldn t have been happier The family moved to the Northwest side of the city to 5756 N Avondale when Maureen was 10 months old Jim found it safer for work He used to work late hours and would come home on rapid transit through unsafe neighborhoods But the added security came at a price We found out it s a lot more expensive to live on the Northwest side We bought a house right next to the railroad tracks The TV used to shake with every passing train but we dealt with it The family stayed on Avondale for 13 years Kathleen kept her teaching license active and taught as a substitute at Farnsworth and Spry Elementary She would eventually return to teaching full time but not before trying once again to add to their family There were fewer babies up for adoption but Kathleen remained positive Kathleen teaching at Pasteur school 1971

Jim wanted a boy this time When you ask for a request it takes longer They got their wish on February 18 1975 when baby boy Michael was born His hips were loose so he had to wear shoes with braces up his legs I asked the pediatrician about whether this was going to be a terrible disability and he said no Michael grew out of it thank God Kathleen remembers the courtroom ceremonies that formalized both adoptions During Michael s ceremony she remembers looking on as Maureen took everything in Even at four years old little Maureen seemed to understand the gravity of the moment You stand in front of a judge who s on a raised platform and he asks you Will you take this child with all the rights and responsibilities required He looks you right in the eye and you take all this on It s a beautiful serious and sacred moment and Maureen was there to witness it After subbing for many years Kathleen returned to teaching full time at Erickson Elementary a mainly African American community on the west side Miss Marjorie Branch was principal of the school and tough on Kathleen at the start During the interview she kept me there for two hours making sure I d be fair to her and her kids I came home with a terrible headache she really did a number on me But I loved the kids Miss Branch soon realized that and warmed up to Kathleen She eventually came to love me Jim would copy things for the school at the CTA and I d bring them extra workbooks and supplies Miss Branch became my ally and I stayed there six years 16 Left Michael and Maureen 1975 Right With kids 1976

Left At the Bozo show 1977 Right with the Lone Ranger 1981 It was during her time at Erickson that Kathleen got a unique opportunity to be a part of an early childhood program mentoring with a PhD for a Head Start program in the Jackson Park area We d make home visits and work very closely with the parents The apartments were often very dark it was like going into a cave I d have my aide go in first because I stood out as the only Caucasian But the parents were so grateful and the need was great I opened my heart to them and they opened their heart to me While Kathleen worked Michael and Maureen went to an in home daycare in the neighborhood run by Rose Matteo Rose watched everyone s kids She was this wonderful Italian lady who loved to cook and bake She had everything going on there Though she loved to teach Kathleen also loved being a parent and enjoyed more time with her mom My mother was always a part of everything We moved her up north to be with us Maureen and Michael would put on shows for all of us Maureen would write it up and direct it and have costumes and she had Michael doing all these things Of course he did whatever she told him to do he worshiped her Kathleen enjoyed hosting their children s friends over at the house bustling them off to dance piano or baseball lessons or going to activities at the school I loved the baby years but that never lasts very long I loved just being part of the club finally having children and seeing our kids meet their cousins It was all so special Jim was a great partner through it all Jim didn t change diapers but he would cook for them and take them places He worked a lot of hours but was always there for the kids 17

Left With mother Catherine and family 1978 Right Family 1982 Maureen and Michael were close in heart but different personalities all together Maureen was the scholar She learned to read very early and at age three she d read to the neighborhood kids She was always good and if she wasn t I didn t know about it Michael was a slightly different story Michael was very much a boy a little mischievous I had a little spiral notebook that I would tell him to give to his teachers and at the end of the day they would write good day or bad day in it He thankfully graduated from that Kathleen and Jim raised the kids Catholic taking them to church on Sundays at Immaculate Conception where they also went to school In 1985 the family moved to nearby Park Ridge Maureen went on to high school at Regina Dominican and Michael in time went to Loyola Academy The day we moved here was Maureen s first day at Regina We could ve sent them to Maine South but we had picked out these schools with them a long time ago Kathleen knew a little about making sacrifices for Catholic school education something she learned from her mother We did what we could Those schools helped form them into who they are today A teacher at Regina turned Maureen on to science Now she works as a Lupus researcher as well as a rheumatologist Michael teaches English and writing at Robert Morris University He s passionate about teaching much like his mother Nowadays Kathleen relishes a new role Nana Maureen is married to Brian Skaggs and has two children Laurel b 2008 and Cormac b 2011 They live in Encino California 18

It s been a challenge having them so far away We thought about moving but Michael is here So instead we treasure the time we have together This is why I still teach I have to have my kid fix They are my substitutes Kathleen and Jim still live in Park Ridge and Michael lives on the northwest side of the city Kathleen would travel more but Jim is facing some serious health challenges In recent years it s been one serious health issue after another Looking back on her life she notes major influences along the way My Aunt Mary was a real guiding light in the family She was the one I d turn to for advice or just to listen to my heart and validate what was going on My mother too was a trooper She always loved me unconditionally Catherine Nolan passed away in 1993 I was always very close to my mother and involved in her care We were a close little family Another major influence has been Kathleen s Catholic faith My faith has been the backbone of my life and has gotten me through many things I ve witnessed miracles in my life I continue to need more of them Jim and Kathleen belong to St Paul of the Cross parish in Park Ridge where she is a Eucharistic Minister Kathleen still substitute teaches and volunteers her time at Lutheran General Hospital once a week Kathleen working at Norwood Park Elementary School 1998 19

I d stop volunteering when Jim was sick but we d be there so many times I d hear So when are you coming back Kathleen works at the hospital s main lobby reception desk the first smiling face guests see as they walk in the door With her glass half full mentality she s perfect for the job I ll always have something nice to say to people to take their mind off of why they are there One time someone came to the main desk looking for the nursery She was from The Cradle I just started to tear up She brought the baby down to show me and it just validated that I was in the right place She s also bumped into people she taught as kids 20 years ago at the hospital having children of their own It s funny how we re all connected As a senior in her later years Kathleen is in great health and stays physically active thanks to her Fitbit Jazzercise and yoga as well as mentally sharp thanks to continued time in the classroom She s also published six children s books and counting projects that became a family affair Jim was my illustrator and Michael was my editor I spent my life sharing stories with children so it really was a dream come true Kathleen holds few regrets other than possibly not traveling as much as they could ve when Jim was in better health I did what I could in the time that I could As we get older you gain some wisdom and lessons learned I m still learning I can listen every once in a while too believe it or not If she could go back and tell herself one thing she would give young Kathleen some words of reassurance I d tell her that it s going to be all right You might have to wait a bit but it will all work out in the end Wow I think I need a drink 20 With Maureen and her kids Cormac and Laurel 2013

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Tom Nolan b 1945 Thomas Joseph Nolan was born on February 17 1945 joining older sister Kathleen b 1940 mother Catherine nee Mahoney and father Thomas in St Leo the Great parish on the south side of Chicago His childhood home was at 7939 S Sangamon which was shared with and owned by Tom s maternal grandfather Mike Mahoney As a child Tom remembers the scary basement It was dark and big with lots of nooks and crannies Originally the house was heated with coal so I d help my grandfather shovel out clinkers from the furnace That was the residue from the coal It was a scary deal but luckily I didn t have to do it alone Tom remembers the Southside neighborhood as friendly and tight knit Most families were of Irish descent like the Nolans and there were plenty of kids to play ball with in the alley Their house was a short walk to Tom s future school We were a half block from Leo High School an Irish Christian Brothers school The Brothers had a home across the street and they would go around the block saying their prayers All of them were off the boat Irishmen with deep Irish brogues and when I was out playing they d say We re gonna get ya Nolan They couldn t wait to get me into high school and straighten me out It s an education we probably won t see again Perhaps that s a good thing Tom remembers his Catholic schooling as leaving a mark Tom 1949 23

I could tell you some stories In the spring the windows would be open and Brother Sloan would stand on the windowsill If somebody was messing around in the back of the room he would tell the boy in the front of that aisle Hit the boy behind ya and pass it down to the boy there The Brothers left some lingering bruises Parents Thomas and Catherine thankfully took a softer approach Catherine was a housewife and Thomas worked at Commonwealth Edison but the family dynamic changed when his father passed away Tom was only four years old My dad was a pretty sick guy He had a heart condition and diabetes and smoked a lot I don t have many memories of my father aside from holding his hand while walking to the local A P At the funeral home during his wake my mother told me that his body was in the casket and I asked her Where s his head Out of the mouths of babes Following her husband s passing Catherine found work as a school clerk in the Englewood area Though it wasn t what she had planned Tom said she loved the work I don t think she ever missed a day she was so loyal and faithful She valued the truth had a great faith in God and persevered When she became a widow she never dated anyone else Her main concern was my sister and me We were not rich but we were rich in faith Grandpa Mike Mahoney became a father figure in young Thomas s life He worked as a motorman for the CTA and earned the nickname Iron Mike for his tough disposition 24 Left Parents Thomas and Catherine Nolan 1939 Right Tom with Kathleen and his father 1949

Left Mike Mahoney 1949 Right Tom with Grandpa Mike 1961 He was very strong and never complained Even in his 70s he d get up on an old wooden ladder to take storm windows in and out that weighed about 60 pounds each Tom remembers his grandfather s work perks He would take me on the streetcars and we d ride from one end of a route to the other and have a good time together He d invite his Irish work friends to the house and they d tell stories of the old country My grandfather would spoil me more than my sister He d say Ahh he s a good boy I could get away with things that Kathleen could not Mike was an Irish immigrant from County Clare settling first in New York in the early 1900s before ending up in Chicago He worked fairly regular hours and came home for nightly dinners made lovingly by Catherine We ate together every night On Sundays we d eat an earlier special dinner in the dining room around 3 or 4 in the afternoon My mom would make leg of lamb or something like that Over dinner conversation was mainly between the women at the table My grandfather and I were pretty quiet but my mother would have a lot to say and Kathleen was a chatterbox too Tom got along with his sister but they had their occasional spats As the older sibling Kathleen watched over Tom and his buddies Jim Brankin and Eugene Skippy Dunworth She was the neighborhood watch girl and would walk us to school everyday Kathleen earned a reputation for being very social 25

Tom with his mom 1959 She d always have her girlfriends around She was a very pretty girl smart and very popular There was always something going on with my sister socially or academically I remember a few times she won a title for her popularity Tom had a small extended family that he d see over holidays Tom knew his paternal grandmother who was referred to as Nana who lived at 55th and the Boulevard with Tom s Aunt Rose Joseph Ryan plus an old dog named Queenie Tom s Aunt Louise Benjamin Dudrick lived in the top apartment They owned a summer home in lower Wisconsin around Burlington and occasionally we d go up there for a week over summer vacation I was pretty young but I remember Aunt Rose was a great singer and played piano We had good times together On his mother s side aside from his Grandpa Mike Tom grew up close to his mother s older sister Aunt Mary John Mahoney who lived in nearby St Ethelreda s parish and his mother s twin sister Annie Ted Clifford in St Sabina s The aunts would often visit Grandpa Aunt Mary loved to take her niece and nephew out for lunch In school Tom was a good student scoring high Bs with a fondness towards math He graduated from Leo Grammar School in 1959 That was the year the White Sox were in the World Series but lost to Los Angeles Tom went on to Leo High School where he joined the school bowling team My high score was 275 that s not bad out of a 300 game Now I don t think I could bowl 100 26

During his high school years Tom was introduced to a young woman named Kathleen Kathy Buckley through his Aunt Mary Mary was close to Kathy s mother Maisie Buckley Kathy attended the local girl s school Longwood Academy and found herself without a date to the Ring Dance My Aunt Mary and her mother Maisie conspired and set us up with each other We had our first date and it was wonderful but I was really shy Tom waited a full year before asking Kathy out again this time to see a show at the Beverly Theater Thankfully she was patient and knew Tom was worth waiting for By this time they were both seniors and attended each other s prom dances They dated on and off for the next few years attending different colleges Tom graduated from Leo High School in 1963 and was off to St Joseph s College in Rensselaer Indiana where he followed in his mother and sister s footsteps and studied education His first taste of freedom gave him quite a lesson The first year I messed around too much and flunked out My mother thought I should get into education and I didn t like those courses at all I didn t do well Tom quickly got back on his feet taking a year at Roosevelt College to get his grades back up and transferring back into St Joe s a year later This time he chose marketing and business a much better fit He graduated with his class in 1967 I credit the Precious Blood priests that taught at St Joe s at the time Fr William White and I got to be friends he was kind of like my guidance counselor and helped me get into the business world Left With sister Kathleen 1963 Right Tom as a college graduate 1967 27

Tom found work at the first job fair he attended I went to a career conference in Chicago and ended up at a booth called Youngstown Sheet and Tube I had my degree in hand and hit it off with the guy at the table who invited me to lunch It didn t take long before I had a job Tom was hired for an inside sales job handling steel orders He worked downtown on the 22nd floor of 22 W Washington Street It was a great first job I learned to accept the word no a lot more than yes After two years Tom got a new job with Texaco Oil promoting the sales of Texaco products for independent service stations around the country He was also getting more serious with his high school sweetheart Kathy Buckley In early 1969 he proposed I proposed to her at the Martinique Restaurant I did go down on my knee now I can hardly bend my knee Tom and Kathy were married that summer on June 7 1969 at St Ethelreda s Church followed by a reception at the South Shore Country Club I had rented a limo from Blake Lamb Funeral Home In one of our wedding pictures I m in my tuxedo looking down at my watch Our wedding was at 12 and we were running a little late Her uncle Fr Bill Buckley married us Tom s mother Tom Kathy and Kathy s parents Maisie and John Buckley 1969

Left Tom and Kathy 1969 Right Tom with mother Catherine Nolan 1969 The newlyweds took a road trip honeymoon to Boston to visit Kathy s sister Mary Joan But first they had to make a pit stop Kathy was finishing her master s degree in Russian history On our way we stopped off at John Carroll so she could drop off a paper Back home Tom and Kathleen settled into their first home together in Tinley Park at 17071 Forest View Drive something they bought together while engaged On the title to the house it listed me as a bachelor and Kathy as a spinster It was a three bedroom ranch on a corner lot a beautiful little house and cost 18 100 Through Willie Howe a client from the job at Texaco Tom was introduced to a sales manager of a fiber box company This manager liked Tom so much that he offered him a job And just like that I got into the corrugated box industry work that would support me for the next 38 years Kathleen joked that this sales job would be tough for me since I am a man of monosyllables She said You re going to sell boxes to high falootin buyers It turns out I could I just get to the point right away Tom s approach worked Over the next several years he was promoted from one small box company to another small box company each time building relationships and finding enough success to support his growing family We had talked about having four kids but God had a different plan 29

Family 1985 Tom and Kathy were blessed with Shea b 1970 Sharyn b 1973 Sean b 1975 Sheila b 1977 Senan b 1983 and finally Siobhan b 1989 Over time they moved to larger homes to accommodate the growing family from Tinley Park to two different homes on the same street in Villa Park 130 E Monroe to 16 E Monroe We moved down the block about 13 houses down The smaller kids had their red wagons to move their toys down the block that s Irish movers Kathy managed the bulk of home and children life packing brown bag lunches to take the kids downtown to see the museums or other sights Tom was kept pretty busy during the workweek and sometimes had to entertain clients on weekends There was never a dull moment We had a very busy schedule and also loved to entertain Kathy did the bulk of the cooking but I cooked outdoors We had a covered patio with a Weber gas grill and I d cook in 20 below zero weather as long as I could get at the grill 30 While the family lived in Villa Park the children attended school at St Alexander s where they also attended church on Sundays Tom and his wife became involved in parish life there assisting with baptism preparation with young couples and Worship Commission

That spawned my interest in the diaconate Deacon Bob Schueler and Deacon Gene Schubert were great guys They corralled me into the diaconate like Jesus roped in his disciples In 1984 Tom started a night program in Romeoville at the Joliet Diocese Pastoral Center at the time studying two nights a week for the next four years to become a deacon This was on top of working full time and helping to raise their large family The one time I questioned What am I doing here is when I was on the cathedral floor saying I was going to be a deacon I was lying there on the cold cathedral floor thinking God why did you call me But it was a call he couldn t ignore and it was echoed by those around him It came from Kathy it came from the physical church and it came from God Certain people tap you on the shoulder and it s up to you to listen Tom acknowledges that it was a full plate but he was trained to keep his priorities straight When we were in formation Bishop Vonesh mentioned to our class what a deacon should be He talked about our priorities He said Family is your first priority and your work whatever is supporting your family comes next The church is third God is there in all three but you have to have good family support to make it work I ll never forget that Left Tom with his mother Right Tom and sister Kathleen 1989 31

Bishop Vonesh also stressed the importance of prayer He stressed that we should be men of prayer Pray often because that will be your guide I have found that if I keep this in mind the diaconate is not that difficult Tom would need to rely on prayer in the years that followed In 1993 he took a job as a sales manager for a new box company based in the Quad Cities Sheila was going to be a junior in high school That was a hard transition for her so we let her choose which side of the river we d live on Moline Illinois or Davenport Iowa Sheila picked Davenport and the family settled into a great community and parish Tom resumed work as a deacon at Our Lady of Lourdes in Bettendorf Iowa The pastor Fr Tom Spiegel was a tremendous guy In 1994 Kathy was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer She spent the next two years traveling between Davenport and Chicago for treatment This is where faith comes in We had only been in Davenport a year but the families living on our cul de sac Hamilton Court were tremendous They just jumped in and said What do we need to do Parishioners neighbors school families and my work colleagues all lifted us up Kathy passed away in November 1995 32 Family of eight in Iowa 1994

Tom with kids Stinson Beach 1997 Throughout the ups and downs of her ordeal she was a tower of strength Despite her illness she would never give up and in turn gave the family strength Their youngest Siobhan was only six Tom continued to feel love and support from their community All the mothers would watch Senan and Siobhan and if I did anything wrong I d have 50 calls that night God provides In 1999 Tom took a job as a general manager of a box plant back in the Chicago area this time settling in Elmhurst Fr John Barrett former pastor of their old parish of St Alexander was now at Mary Queen of Heaven parish When he heard Tom was back in the area Fr Barrett invited him to serve as Deacon That was an easy move on the diaconate side it was just a matter of paperwork It was here that Tom met another involved parishioner Mimi Wolak who worked with Tom in bereavement Though he never had a plan to remarry the parish life coordinator recommended he apply for a dispensation just in case As a deacon Tom could not remarry in the Catholic Church without this dispensation It was a rare request and required sign off from Rome It s not an automatic sign off and now they don t even do them Bishop Imesch was a pretty good friend and said he wanted to get it through for me Three years later Tom got response from Rome 33

So much time had passed I kind of forgot I even did it I got the letter on the anniversary date of Kathy s death I think she had something to do with it Little did he know this dispensation would come in handy Tom and Mimi were becoming close We took it very slow We both really liked each other a lot but she had her situation and I had mine Once she understood that I had this dispensation we wanted to make sure everyone approved including our pastor They approached Fr Tony Taschetta with their intentions He was so excited about it and he said This is going to be just like the Sound of Music Tom and Mimi were married September 4 2011 in a full church during the regular 10 30 mass Relatives and parishioners alike rejoiced with the couple We had 400 people celebrate with us in a church that could only seat 300 It was wonderful I want to emphasize that our relationship is still growing Our story is still being told Tom has embraced Mimi s son Peter as another child Peter is studying Buddhism in California which leads to lively conversations on faith He s my bonus son We ve developed a close relationship We can learn from each other 34 Mimi and Tom s wedding surrounded by their children 2011

Family gathered in San Francisco Christmas 2002 Tom s now adult children are spread out from coast to coast many with families of their own His oldest son Shea has a daughter Avril b 1990 who lives in Villa Park Shea is married to Irene nee Deery and they live in San Francisco California with Thomas b 2004 and Patrick b 2006 Tom s daughter Sheila married Don Lindsay and they also live in San Francisco only about a mile from Shea Daughter Sharyn married Ken Cool and they live in Waltham Massachusetts with daughter Kathleen b 2011 Sean and Emily nee Goldstein live in Wauwatosa Wisconsin with children Liam b 2005 Maisie b 2006 and Jasper b 2009 Senan and Erin nee Clancy live close by in Elmhurst with their children Sophia b 2011 Julia b 2014 and Bridget b 2016 Tom s youngest Siobhan also lives in Elmhurst Tom loves having some children and grandkids close by and makes it a point to see the others at least once a year He loves the role of grandfather but recognizes a critical difference It s great You can spend time with them enjoy them and then say goodbye to them Their parents are responsible for them now We did our job Tom retired from the box business in 2009 That was hard Once you put down your work you wonder what you re going to do But I had the diaconate and became more involved which has been great Tom is dealing with some issues with mobility but is grateful for otherwise good health He and Mimi have plans to travel more including hopefully another trip to Ireland Looking back on his life Tom notes several people along the way who were wonderful influences on his path 35

My mother grandfather and sister all had a big impact My sister Kathleen has always supported what we did even when we moved to the Quad Cities and she was starting her family We always made time to get together We love each other and as family we stick together We re supporting her now as she deals with her husband Jim s health challenges as best we can The two siblings make time for phone calls to check up on one another Tom notes his sister s social nature hasn t changed a bit She s a fun person to be with she ll walk into a restaurant and seem to know everybody there When St Peter calls for her she ll say Wait a minute I ve got a few more things to do Tom also notes people from both of his vocations have had a big influence Fr John Barrett and Fr Tony at Mary Queen of Heaven Fr Tom Spiegel from Our Lady of Lourdes and managers such as Joe Snyder were all sources of support and wisdom God put the right people in front of me at the time that I needed them My faith has kept me going It may wavered at times but there was always somebody there to pull me back Though he has much to be proud of as a deacon Tom s biggest source of pride is his children and the choices he has made along the way while raising them He holds no regrets in life I just hope I ve been a good father I think I have I did the best I could I ve been very blessed Family 2005

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